Couples Counseling for Relationships at a Crossroads
When substance use, anger, emotional distance, family conflict, or years of unresolved hurt have taken over your relationship, I help couples understand what keeps them stuck—and what it will take to move forward.
Sound Familiar?
You’re not someone who gives up easily.
The relationship is not stuck for lack of trying. You don’t need more communication tips. You’ve done the work—therapy, the books, trying to have the hard conversations.
But you’re still stuck in the same loop. The same fight over and over, with different words or different topics. One of you may feel exhausted from carrying the weight of the relationship so you lecture, plead, try to point out areas of improvement, maybe you even yell or criticize when you are at a breaking point, and maybe you’re even at the point of just giving up.
Maybe one of you feels increasingly criticized, defeated, or unsure how to get it right. So you defend yourself, shut down, avoid, use alcohol or other substances to escape, fall silent, explode, or react in ways you later regret.
Underneath all of it is this fear you don’t always say out loud:
What if we are becoming the relationship we swore we never wanted to have
What’s Really Happening
Many of the people I work with never saw a healthy relationship growing up. Their households were filled with lots of fighting, big reactions, lots of emotional distance and silence, substance use, secrecy, and sometimes a mix of it all. As a result, you may have learned to:
stay hyper-aware of others’ moods
try to get ahead of a crisis by always staying one step ahead
avoid depending on anyone else completely
hide needs or emotions
cope through control, withdrawal, anger, or substance use
cope through appeasing and avoiding conflict all together
These coping patterns may have helped you survive difficult relationships, family dynamics, or life experiences. Now they’re creating distance, misunderstanding, and painful cycles in your relationship.
That’s exactly what we work on together. We don’t assume one of you is the problem. Together, we’ll look at the patterns that keep talking over your relationship and what needs to change moving forward.
This is where I come in:
I’m not going to sit quietly and referee your arguments
I pay attention to what’s actually happening between you in real time, not just what you report about your arguments, but how the pattern unfolds when you’re talking to each other right in front of me. I notice what’s happening. I name it. And I work with both of you to understand what’s driving it and how to change it.
My work is direct and honest. I will tell you both when something is getting in the way of connection, and I’ll do it warmly, without taking sides.
I take a social-contextual approach to therapy, meaning we pay attention to how culture, identity, and systems shape your relationship.
I work with intercultural couples and interracial couples, queer couples, and partners navigating complex identity experiences. Race, racism, gender, sexism, culture, identity, and power are not things we work around—they are central to how I understand relationships.
What change can look like
having a conversation about a painful topic without it turning in to the same fight
Feeling understood by yoour partner instead of dismissed, criticized, or alone.
Knowing how to respond when conflict happens instead of repeating the same cycle.
Rebuilding trust after years of disappointment, distance, or broken promises.
Understanding the fears and hurts underneath your partner’s reactions.
Breaking the relationship cycle you swore you would never repeat
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